no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
