Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
