Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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