If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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