Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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