You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
