Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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