last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
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I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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