No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
