Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
