20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I don't deserve a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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