thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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