please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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