being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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