I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
