i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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