he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
a search helicopter?!
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
