i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize