I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
