Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
