My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
