Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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