I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
