cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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