so explain again why im purple
no
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
