let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
