Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
