the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
