I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
