umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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