my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
babies were throwing up all over the place
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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