To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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