Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
