I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
