He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
