If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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