When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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