I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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