If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
