you traded sex for a burrito?
pop tarts are not kleenex
I queefed so loud it echoed.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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