I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
