Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
