I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I need to align my fucking chakras
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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