She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
