Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
