did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
