I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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