Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I want you more than these girls want KFC
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
