Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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