i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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