East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
