girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
