i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
MIDGETS
????
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize
