Yo dont text me then not text me
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
