i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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