He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
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TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
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if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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