last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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