That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
