i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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