we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
The Olympian is in my bed
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
