no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
