$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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