I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Randomize
