I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
