Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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