so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
