She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
