You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
