we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
No...this little piggys going to the bar
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
