My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
