So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
