I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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