TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
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