There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
