I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
