You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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