True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm like, not good at living.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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