I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
