So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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