What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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