I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
