apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
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This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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