woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
