I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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