her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
