I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize