yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Randomize
